Thursday, 13 October 2016

Baby Loss

This week has is baby loss awareness week and Facebook has been awash with candles and pictures showing support and rightly so, when statistics tell us that 1 in 4 women will suffer miscarriage or baby loss it's something we should talk about, there should be no taboo around the subject but I believe there is.

I've been looking at the people on my timeline who've posted to say they are that 1 in 4, people who've never mentioned it, and I'm sure some of the people on my friends list would be surprised to hear I've been in their shoes too, but why, do we avoid discussing it because it's too upsetting, or do we live in such a polite society that we worry about making people feel uncomfortable? 

Let me tell you why I don't discuss it..

I suffered an early miscarriage, we weren't actively planning another and to be honest I wasn't even 100% sure I was pregnant when it happened it's only because everything wasn't 'normal' that I went to see a doc, who suggested an early miscarriage, sent me for a scan and confirmed 'yes that's what happened but it all seems to be happening as it should so we don't need you to come in to hospital and we'll check again in a couple of weeks to see that you are back to normal' 

Well there you go, I'll be back to normal, and I shouldn't feel sad because I never knew it was there right? Yet I felt quite sad indeed but very confused as to why I should, I mean we weren't having anymore, I barely knew s/he was there and I already have my family we hadn't longed for this little bundle but I do still remember around 'would be birthday' time and certain moments. I still wonder if it would have been a he to keep us even or a she to continue the outnumbering! 

But the problem is talking about it is strange, people never know what to say or how to behave when you talk about it so most people who have suffered miscarriage tend not to bring the subject up, we'll all be very British and keep a stiff upper lip. The thing is though foe new mums and those trying it's important to hear your story, whether it be an early miscarriage or later on, we should share our stories so others can feel less alone, so they know the warning signs and they understand that any worry is worth mentioning to your midwife, they are always happy to reassure.

So if you are one of the 1 in 4 women who will have suffered from baby loss, no matter when it happened, please speak about it if that helps you, remember birthdays if that helps or don't if it doesn't, there should be no shame, no blame and no embarrassment around baby loss it can be heartbreaking or surprisingly for some a strange numb experience early miscarriage especially is a hard one to talk about, should you feel grief? Well only if you do, I have rad post from women who have said well i dint even know before it was gone so I have nothing to grieve for. There is no right or wrong to how you should feel and you should not ever feel like you will be judged because of how much or little grief you have felt. There are no hard an fast rules but talking about it may help others and you feel less alone.

There will be a wave of light on 15th October at 7pm

1 comment:

  1. Oh I'm sorry Karen! Was this recently? I totally agree it should be more openly talked about. I have a friend I never knew was going through this and saw this week because she bravely posted about it and it's been an eye opener.