8pm - So I'm sitting in the hall outside of Termites room crying big fat tears of guilt, self pity and self loathing. I've set myself up for this crash, I know I have. After four sleepless croup nights I should have cancelled all my plans today and stayed in the house under a ile of blankets and children and watched crap TV, but I didn't, I'd promised the kids a play date and I'd made arrangements for lunch with my bestie, a rare occurrence that I was looking forward too. I also had plans to pack for an upcoming trip while the kids played and then write the outstanding work I've not done yet.
TOO MUCH!! My littlest girl needed cuddles and my big kids wanted to be excited and happy for holidays not sit quietly while I do boring stuff.
The day went like this
Late Morning, scrabbling to get out on time
Stressful lunchtime with a crabby tired yougest
Youngest naps meaning I know im in for a late bedtime = crabby mammy
No Packing done but I did manage to make the house a complete mess just in time for a surprise visit from family
Late making tea = everyone crabby
Late bedtime leading to Mammy meltdown in the hall (luckily no one can see me as they are probably all to bloody afraid to get our of bed because Mam has finally gone crazy
I've probably been crap company for my bestie and I've certainly been a miserable excuse for a mother to all of my kids, trying to palm them off with sweets and tech instead of attention! And the cruncher? When I was yelled of for the fifty zillionth time by the little one who fell asleep this afternoon so now has no plans for a pre 10pm bed time I yelled 'oh alright I'm coming' and instantly felt shit. I'm not much of a yeller so it always makes me feel like a monster.
Heres the thing, If I was listening to someone else tell me this I'd tell them not to be so hard on themselves sometimes things pile up, kids have to learn that jobs need doing and one yell will be forgotten. But I just feel crap, I feel like they will grow up associating the pre holiday preparation with monster mammy who stresses and wants them to calm down, don't yell, please just give me 5 minutes! I have turned into a nagging bore, but this parenting thing, sometimes it make me want to scream, run and cry, or pull this face silently while no one is looking ....
Especially when its combined with the boring mile long to do list.
So here's my advice to me, slow down don't do too much, count to ten and if you still want to scream count again or go pull that face in the bathroom!
How do you deal with those manic busy days when you just NEED to get it all done but no one else is on board with the PLAN?