Friday, 15 January 2016

Ten Helpful Things To Say to A New Mum

Upon visiting a new mum it's tempting to spend all afternoon hugging her baby and talking about the joy (or pain) of parenting, but remember she just pushed a human from her body! She's probably a knackered, foggy brained, dishevelled, leaky eyed, sweaty version of her former self. Here are some thing she definitely wants to hear...

  • 'You look fabulous'
  • 'I won't stay long' 
  • 'How are YOU ALL' (very important to remember the whiole family not just the cute new bundle of joy)
  • 'Congratulations you are amazing and you are doing brilliantly' feel free to pepper this with anecdotes of your parenting fails if you have any
  • 'I brought you this casserole/pie/easy heat dinner, I'll leave it in the kitchen and let me empty that dishwasher while I'm in there.
  • 'Would you like me to hold the baby while you do anything' please note showering is probably highest on her list but don't suggest that or she may slap you with a breast pad for saying she smells! 
  • 'I brought chocolate/biscuits/cake' (any or more importantly all of those are great)
  • 'I'll make a cuppa you start on these chocolates/biscuits/cake that I brought'
  • 'I'd love to be practical help so is there anything I can do? Hoovering, ironing, popping to the shops?'
  • 'I'm happy to pop over any time you want even if its just so you can get an hours kip or 10 minutes of peace, but I understand you may want the house to yourself so n pressure'
You'll notice there's a bit of a theme here,  post-partum women are very much in need or rest and help, I mean they've just worked HARD,  but our society is not one for encouraging such frivolities, in fact we seem intent upon encouraging women to just hop straight out of their maternity bed and back to the housework. So you will find most of us would never ask for help and would even be reluctant to accept as we feel its a failing. But keep offering it, it is truly appreciated and helps women feel valued and loved.

A very new to the world peanut, note my face is not in shot but I looked shell shocked!
I think I avoided photos with The Golden Child, 2 children in 18 months left me looking less than glam!

Third time looking much less stressed with teeny Termite

Here are 5 things she doesn't want to hear

  • "So you decided to breast feed / bottle feed" either way she will feel judged, just leave that one well alone
  • 'Ooh I thought your bump would go straight away! ' (I kid you not it has been said to more than just me!)
  • 'Have you fed/changed/winded him/her?' DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES say these things she will assume you are suggesting she may not be performing her motherly duties, she will definitely want to throw something at you! 
  • 'You should sleep when baby does' she won't do this because in that rare 20 minute spell she will be running around doing laundry or showering or prepping dinner, and if not she is probably entertaining another guest.
  • Is he/she good? This sort of indicates that a baby who doesn't sleep (which most don't) is a bad baby, and in those early days any indication that she is doing anything wrong will make her want to wail for hours!
Have you any to add? What is the best worst thing you heard as a new parent?


  1. Fab post Karen - I really think people need to think before they speak. I personally hated 'Do you think he needs feeding' I think I'll be the judge of that thank you and it's not like that didn't cross my mind!

  2. I know right? 'eahi think he needs feeding bt I just can't be fussed with it all' as if