This is a post I started writing on 28th August and I'm pleased I have waited to publish it ........
This is my newest girl, shes beautiful and lovely and completes our family, which is why this post is a hard one to write. I have the baby blues, I know this is normal and to be expected but I really thought I had escaped them this time so they have hit me like a tonne of bricks. Now with Peanut and The golden child they came and went quite quickly but this time they don't seem to want to leave.
I have no reason to be sad, I feel blessed in so many ways, yet still the tears keep coming. I feel like a terrible mum to my eldest two, who are patiently playing together whilst I breastfeed (a lot ). And an awful wife for being a tearful unkempt non cooking messy housed wreck!
Termite (still nameless) is now 5 days old and I have been bubbling (its a northern term) for 3 days, the sleep deprivation of course doesn't help but I'm feeling sadness that I won't do the miracle of pregnancy and childbirth again, I'm upset my house is a mess and unfortunately my husband having to work hasn't helped. I'm not sure how I'm going to manage 4 trips to the school everyday and breastfeed and cook meals and not get rats because of the mess that is my home not to mention I have guest posts and reviews and blog posts to write, my website won't build itself and my to do list is HUUUGE !!!
Now I know its hormones and its all natural but this is (pardon my term) a load of CRAP, I feel like my first week of newborn bliss has been stolen by a wicked twist in mother natures not so wonderful ways!
I'm pleased to say that after a more settled second week we are all settling into a routine, we are getting organised, putting out the breakfast dishes the night before, laying out our clothes for the morning and planning dinner in advance which has all really helped, (control freak? me ? ... never)
We've spent a weekend all 5 of us just chilling and I've sen my two besties, I'm out in the fresh air every day and it seems the blues are turning a happier shade, don't get me wrong I can cry for England but that has always been true. It's just now the hormones are settling and I feel more in control it seems I now cry for a reason, like my big girl going to big school or my little boy going to little school or just because I've watched the news (i often cry at the news it's sad but true).
So it seems I should have trusted mama nature after all and not been so hard on myself, and as the husband said its only been two weeks and apparently I'm 'doing fine' (this is code for he thinks I'm ace but would never say anything quite so soppy)
I'd love to hear how you dealt with your blues, I love to read your comments so feel free to share.